Friday, 28 January 2011

Say goodbye to my legs

Today is a long day. I've been in work for about 12 hours today and it's still only 10:45am.

Last night we had our work's Christmas meal - it was postponed due to the bad weather in December which resulted in us having to shut the office 2 days early - I didn't actually go to the Christmas meal because I went on my mate's hen night instead (quite possibly the greatest hen night I've ever been on...we went for a meal at an all you can eat buffet and then went home - not an L plate in sight, no sleazy male strippers, no dancing on the tables and no long weekend to Benidorm!)

So despite being on a hen do, I'm the bright and breezy, wide awake, staff member today while everyone else is ailing. I've seen so many bacon butties pass through the doorway this morning, our office is beginning to look like a cafe.

So I'm probably not alone in feeling like today is being the longest day in the history of time.

For me though I just want to go home, finish my packing and go to bed...so I can go on holiday. At 5pm tonight I will officially be on holiday. At 3:30 tomorrow morning I will be officially going on holiday. and at approximately 4pm tomorrow afternoon I will probably be in a hospital bed with a broken leg.

I am going snowboarding. For the first time ever. And I'm roughly 45% excited and 65% terrified. But don't worry - I have a cool new hair do and snazzy snowboarding pants so I will look good - even if I do go down the mountain on my arse instead of a board.

I've got 2 theories about this trip and why I will no doubt fail to snowboard despite going with 2 competent boarders who's future holidays may well hinge on their girlfriends' enjoyment of this holiday and 1 practically professional snowboarder who has taught them everything they know...

1) I'm getting on a bit now. When I was young I was more fearless about taking risks and stuff...
can I jump over that wall? It's a bit high, ah well I'll try and see - no I couldn't...muuuuuuuuuuuuummm!!!

My partner in learner snowboarding has the happy advantage of being 10 years younger than me and I think she may pick it up much more easily...while I have far too much awareness of my body and what feels natural and what doesn't. My niece taught me some trampoline tricks a few years ago - she'd bounce so high in the air and do all manner of tricks while I could just about do a seat drop...because falling - regardless of the landing - in a seated position is completely unnatural and my body just wouldn't do it for a long time. But perseverance paid off and I suppose I should try and remember that before I throw a snowbaord at my boyfriend and strop off towards the nearest spa!

But it's unnatural isn't it? To have feet strapped onto a board in a position you would never ever stand in and to slide down a snow covered mountain with nothing to hold on to...no stabilisers...no one holding the seat to keep you steady. Nothing.

Terrifying!

If we come home from the holiday with catchphrases I predict mine will be "Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

2) The second reason I think I will fail at snowboarding - and this is probably more significant than the first one, is that I'm simply not cool enough to go snowboarding.
Snowboarding looks cool man! If you're on the piste in Val Thorens next week look out for me - I'll be the one reading the beginners guide to snowboarding. There's a chance that as this handy book - which my boyfriend kindly bought me for Christmas - focusses on the science of snowboarding I may have a slim chance of getting it. But realistically I fully expect to fall flat on my face once and then slope off to the nearest bar, lick my wounds and trade in my ski pass for a sauna.

Good people of Val Thorens...Don't be surprised if you see an angry looking scouser on the French Alps brandishing a book at people shouting
back off man - I'm a scientist!