Tuesday, 25 January 2011


Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you know? Maybe your boss or a particularly unattractive work mate, maybe your best friend or the unthinkable - your brother?

No? No, me neither!

Obviously sex dreams are never about Brad Pitt or Doctor who or Abi Titmus or whoever. They're always about someone completely unexpected, perhaps even downright inappropriate and leave you feeling a little on the dirty side once you wake up...and then horror of horrors you see the same object of your subconsious desire later that morning either at work or by chance on the train or some such place where you have no choice but to speak with them, despite feeling awkward and embarassed unable to regard him in quite the same way having recently witnessed him diving off your wardrobe twirling his underpants above his head shouting "Geronimo"...or whatever...

Well I'm sort of experiencing a similar experience this morning towards our cat Dexter. Dexter is about to turn 2 and he's starting to get a bit friendlier than he used to be, although he's still mostly independent and doesn't want to sit on any knees, he is starting to sleep near us. And he's become more playful. So in an unusual display of friendliness I was play fighting with Dexter when he decided he liked me enough to lean against me and have a bath - specifically bathing his bum, Yeah my cat decided he was going to lick his arse right in my face. Which in hindsight I realise was wierd enough (although not as uncomfortable as the time Tilly Moggins climbed on my shoulder, draped her tail across my head and farted in my face) but then after a while - his attention to detail in the area of bottom hygiene is really quite remarkable - I notice what looked like a lump or a spot poking through his fur. My immediate reaction was alarm, but as I was trying to get a better look at it I was horrified to realise something that I hadn't realised before that point...

My cat has got a willy!

"Well of course he has" I hear you say and indeed that is exactly the sentence my boyfriend used when I recounted the story a little while later in the manner of someone confessing to doing something I shouldn't... although sort of unsure whether I've been the victim of some kind of sexual harassment or if I've become some kind of wierd peeping tom type sex offender. (Especially worrying given how long I spent trying to look at it when I innocently believed it was a potential medical emergency)

But it shocked me.

Although what should shock me is the fact that it shocked me at all.

I'm not sure why it surprised me so much although I should perhaps mention that I've always somehow regarded all cats as being female...feline/female, the words are so similar. Cats are often regarded as being similar to women,while dogs are referred to as man's best friend.

Anyway - I've been feeling strangely awkward around my cat Dexter today. Although that might be because he keeps winking at me...If he lights up a cigarette I'm locking my bedroom door at night!!