It's a good job bubbles float otherwise I may have been in danger of drowning this week.
I don't read the newspapers, partly because the general concensus amongst my peers is so varied that I'm almost scared to choose one for fear of being sneered at, but mainly because most of the news in the world just doesn't interest me. Rightly or wrongly I have no interest at all in politics, because there's nothing I can do about how the country is run, for all our moaning about the state of the country what do I know about running a country? Nothing. And I'm not egotistical enough to want to have all that power. And I'm way too lazy to want that kind of responsibility - let's see - Prime Minister - Pros, get to make decisions about what everyone has to do in the country, get to walk around importantly and be all "Look at me I'm the man" Cons - no time on the daily agenda for watching TV.
And let's be honest, TV is way higher on my list of priorities than most things!
But not the News! Because let's face it, how much of the news is genuine? If I start watching the news or reading papers then I'll start getting all hung up on what to believe, they say "You can't believe what you read in the paper" So why bother reading it at all??
The only paper I ever bother reading is the Crosby Herald, my local paper, full of stories about what's going on down my street, in my village, what new cafe just opened and when the next line dancing class starts. It's real genuine news stories about real people in my area. Sometimes there's a bit of scandal and sometimes there's a feel good story about some celebrity coming to open a childrens centre. But no one has to make up any stories in order to keep their job. No one has to create scandals.
If I want to learn anything further afield I watch programmes like Mock the Week or Charlies Brookers Newswipe, so I can learn what's going on in the world without all the bullshit!
I generally only know what's going on because other people read papers and talk about it. I didn't give a crap about John terry having an affair with Wayne Bridge's bird, of the scandal, they were meant to be friends... thousands, in fact probably millions of couples break up all over the world because one of them has had an affiar...sometimes even with a best mate...does it get splashed across the news of the world? No it doesn't. Who really cares about people having affairs? John Terry should be front page news for his footballing successes or failures - what he does in his personal life should be kept private, and he certainly shouldn't be penalised professionally for it. Now I'm not a JT fan at all, I hate Chelsea but same goes for anyone else - I don't care who Jordan married, my mate got married last year but to my knowledge that didn't make the news either.
The reports on the John Terry affiar were all about what people were saying and very little about the affair itself. Coz when people aren't prepared to talk about something the press just turn that into the news story instead...I mean for Gods sake - is this really what the general public are interested in?
I heard a story recently that there was going to be some big Steven Gerrard scandal emerging, then it was reported he'd got his wife's sister pregnant, and then we heard actually his wife doesn't even have a sister and it was all a hoax...SERIOUSLY have you vultures got nothing better to do than subject the worlds population to pointless irrelevant stories??
But the fact is, all this pointless news has ruined my ability to learn any genuine newsworthy facts. For example I was probably the only person in the country who didn't know who Raoul Moat was. My boss looks at me in dispair on a daily basis when I say "Who?" or "Oh why what's happened?"
So yeah, as a result of wandering around in my own little news free bubble I had no idea that the street next to mine was flooded on Tuesday, and off I went driving to Tescos only to get stuck in a police controlled tail back of traffic.
But it doesn't inspire me to start paying attention to the news...as far as I can see the only news pages that tell any truth are the TV guides.