The first rule of geek club...

I don't know how it happened. One minute I was perfectly self centred and hermit like watching TV on my own, maybe at a push texting fellow programme fans all the way through with a running commentary - but God forbid I actually watch the show in their company.

The next minute not only do I suddenly have a boyfriend, but I've also come up with the grand idea of inviting a group of likeminded people to my place to watch geeky type shows on my TV.

And not just once either...oh no...a regular monthly occurrance.

Who am I and what have I done with Helen?

And tonight I have finally realised why I have always returned home and locked the door behind me...it's so I wont have to tidy up!

I just spent the best part of Monday night cleaning...and irrational cleaning at that - I mean I'm fairly sure my fellow geeks wont walk straight into my flat on Thursday and look in the oven...but the oven I cleaned nevertheless!! And I rearranged my geeky toys for maximum display purposes so that they will look around my room and think how cool it is.

And so far the fact that someone is going to sit in my space on the sofa hasn't brought me out in a cold sweat. I don't really care. It's only for one night right?

I'm sure that's not the only reason I've been anti-social. I think that I have become more sociable because for the first time in a very long time I am happy. Truly happy. Not the sort of happy that I used to be when I was sat on my own watching TV, that was merely consolation happy, the sort of "you know what? I'd rather be sat on my own watching TV.." kind of happy. But then again, there are not that many things I'd rather be doing than watching TV.

It's funny how bad news travels fast, people prefer to moan about bad things than celebrate good things, and we believe the negative things far more easily than the positive things. I've spent way too long believing the bad things, even though deep down I knew they weren't even true. So it only took 1 person telling me I was miserable boring and unsociable and that no one really liked me to create that negative state of mind that I've been carrying around for the last 10 years.

I've watched TV on my own for a long time because I assumed no one would want to watch it with me. But I found someone who does. And so now I am happy.
And now I even have the courage to not only meet new people, but invite the people I already knew, into my home to watch TV with me.

I hardly recognise myself...but that might be the big daft grin that's permanently distorting my face.