Been a while

It's been a while - time passes so fast lately. What a stupid statement that is time passes at a set rate however my notion of the passing of time has changed since I was made redundant in June and started running my own business fulltime. Suddenly I'm constantly working and time seems to pass me by more quickly than when I was employed and clock watching! However that is no excuse as my last blog post was in February. I do have another blog however which related to my business at www.geni-i.co.uk so i have been active in blogging in a sense.

In April a good friend of mine introduced me to a book called "Change Your Genetic Destiny" Also known as The genotype Diet. I assumed it would be a load of nonsense, but the book made sense to me in a way, it wasn't a diet aimed at losing weight but a way of looking at the food you eat and recognising whether the food is right for your body type. I followed a few pages of tests and answered medical and family history questions and eventually I discovered that I am a HUNTER!!

Grrr!

So then I was presented with 2 food lists. One a list a food that I should emphasise in my diet and the other a list of foods I should avoid.
Unfortunately for me the list of foods to avoid included most of the food I ate on a daily basis - it included all but 5 types of cheese, wheat, gluten, corn, barley, rye - so almost any kind of pastry or bread was out and Mushrooms - and I love mushrooms!

But I decded to give it a try. I immedietly started reading labels for everything... i bought free from foods at the local supermarket, became an expert on which gluten free bread tastes the best and started enjoying foods that I'd never considering eating before purely because they were on my good list and so I wanted to try them just to expand my diet!

I also had to give up tea which for me what really hard. It wasn't the caffiene - I as allowed coffee but the tea itself. So i started drinking various green teas until i discovered vanilla flavour red bush.

Almost immedietly I noticed a difference in my energy, i was more alert i felt more confident and able to face challenges. I was constantly doing something, where i had spent my recent years horizontal in front of the TV I found i couldn't sit still, i wanted to be doing something even if it was just cleaning the house.

I noticed that whenever I ate something I shouldn't It gave me bad stomach pains and I also found I was eating less, naturally as if my body was getting the right foods and didn;t need more, I was snacking less and smaller portions filled me up longer.

Over the course a couple of months I lost a stone in weight and went back down to the dress size I'd been throughout my 20s and had recently left 12 months ago for a bigger size.

In the last couple of months however the great effect has worn off. I spend plenty of time horizontal on the sofa and when I eat a bit of real bread or indulge in a pizza it doesn't make me feel bad anymore, perhaps because my body is better able to cope with it. Or perhaps that long list of foods is actually a lot shorter and i just need to test which are the actual foods that I should avoid.

Yesterday I went out to the supermarket to get some weekend supplies, it was payday weekend (which means the checque i paid myself for my wages had cleared) and I intended to do a big monthly Asda online shop (hate going shopping) so I needed a few bits to get us through the weekend. I stood in front of the free from section and looked at the bread rolls and i looked in the basket at the white bread, the bacon and sausages and thought to myself, "I'm sick of this diet" and I went home and savoured eating real bread with my bacon. It was the best thing I've tasted in months!

Having just completed my Asda online shop and spent about £40 less on food than usual as a result of not buying anything gluten free I'm pleased with my decision. Starting a business and taking a massive drop in regular income has made the last few months really hard and an over expensive diet hasn't helped. I do think however that there are people with genuine health issues that have to eat this food, does it really have to be so expensive?

So I will be monitoring myself over the coming weeks to see if going back to the old ways will cause me to gain weight. Since my birthday I've been less than strict and have not put on a single pound in those 3 weeks, so I hope that if I eat sensibly without limiting myself to a small selection of foods (because cutting out wheat and gluten is like trying avoid chemicals - everything is chemicals!) I might be able to avoid putting all that weight back on...and if I don't I'll just have to learn to love the rounder me because our lives are dominated by work and sleep and we should enjoy the free time we have as much as possible. And I love food, so to spend the rest of my life eating bread that tastes like cardboard would be a waste!

Get outta here you goddam skier!

get outta here you goddam skier!

Skier has become my new buzz word for anyone who is rude or arrogant following many incidents of close shaves on the slopes.

Today for example we went for lunch in the restaurant at the top of the "gondola" ski lift and had a play in the snow. It's our last day if holiday, my boyfriend's birthday and I can see again thanks to the eyedrops and optrex doing a speedy job on my eye. 

So apart from the arrogance of dropping skis in our path and skiing as closely as possible to us and flicking snow in our face we had one skier stare at us as we were getting the gondola back down. Actually stopped and stared at us. Yes pedestrians getting the lift down what a scandal!

I dunno what they've got to be so arrogant about - they use 2 bits of wood and sticks. snowboarders do it sideways with nothing to hold on to. Probably just annoyed because boarders look way cooler!

So I just went the spa again. It wasn't as good today because I went later and it was busy. I waited ages for a jacuzzi to half clear so I could get in there for a bubbly watery massage. I snuck in opposite 2 guys and an older woman who all eventually got out leaving me alone for at least 1 second before a couple got in sitting across from each other talking. Not in English but the tone was suggestive. after a while the guy rests his head back and raises his feet for his girlfriend to rub.

Apart from the loud talking ruining my calm I now feel like I've inadvertently wandered onto the set of a porno. As if to emphasise the point the guy sits up and floats over to his girlfriend who he starts kissing. 

I fought back the urge to raise my hand and say "erm excuse me - not sure if you noticed me here... might want to get a room?" because I get the feeling  their conversation was probably something along the lines of "let's start getting romantic so she gets uncomfortable and leaves". I assume they are skiers.

Damn them - their plan worked... but not before 2 more girls got in! still my quiet was broken and I decided it was time to leave.

Next year though I am getting me a 5 day pass and hitting the spa as soon as it opens each day! 

Eye ruined my holiday...

eye ruined my holiday!

Well it was bad enough spraining my wrist on day 1 of a snowboarding holiday but I managed to make the trip even worse by getting an eye infection. 

Yes that's right I'm now making everyone feel a bit awkward by sitting around with a constant stream of tears running down one side of my face. 

It actually started on day 1 when I woke up with something in my eye. It watered for an hour and then felt fine and was soon forgotten when I fell on my wrist. The next morning however, I awoke with the same irritation which again seemed to heal after an hour or so although I did spend most of day 2 crying in frustration at not being able to play out in the snow with everyone, lift my own brew or even cut my own food up. 

Yesterday - day 3 I was really surprised to wake up with the same thing except on this day it didn't get better. I came to the conclusion that I must have a spot or something on the inside of my eyelid which causes irritation particularly when I close my eyes. Well that's just brilliant isn't it? 

We had a lovely day. My boyfriend and I took a ride up towards the top if the mountain and played in the snow. It was lots of fun. Brilliant thick snow that came up to my knees in parts and the sun was bright and warm. except that the sun was really hurting my eye and I could barely open it. 

Eventually I decided to find the pharmacy and the lady serving me took one look at my face and said "oh you've got a problem" in a delightful French accent while reaching for a bottle of optrex and some antiseptic eye drops. 

Now might be a good time to mention how squeamish I am when it comes to eyes. Having a problem with my eye is the worst possible thing that could happen. I get into a state over the glaucoma test at the opticians! 

But I returned and washed my eye as best I could with optrex and my boyfriend put the drops in my eye. 

Today however I can barely keep my eye open. It waters constantly until I have to close it but closing it hurts more. My eye is red and swollen and the light hurts it. I have turned into a vampire!

So I spent all day wearing sunglasses in a dark room apparently crying from 1 eye but trying really hard not to be miserable and hoping that the constant stream of "tears" is flushing some kind of badness away. 

Now I'm sat wearing sunglasses in a bar with wifi trying to watch the Liverpool game on a laptop. I feel like a goddam jackass wearing shades at night and indoors. 

On the plus side I can cut up my own food again!

From hero to villain

from hero to villain.

His arm band said he was a red but his conduct approaching the transfer deadline said he was a spiteful selfish fraud. 

Fernando Torres joined Liverpool as a self confessed Liverpool fan. he worked hard and won the hearts of the fans. 

Following a fantastic season which saw Liverpool finish 2nd in the league we had a disastrous season which some may blame on losing our star player through injury. 

After that Torres was a different player. Moody and frustrated he looked unhappy and out of sorts on the pitch. Made of glass we again played many games without him. 

We allowed him to miss the end of the season to get knee surgery in time for the world cup. Spain won but Torres pulled up injured during the final. 

The upheaval of owners and managers had an unsettling effect and no one played to their best ability but the return to the helm of King Kenny had a dramatic effect on the whole team - with Torres seeming to have benefitted the most. 

But then 2 days before the transfer window closed Torres handed in a transfer request. Not only choosing not to honour his commitment to the club and fans  but forcing us to spend record amounts on new players as we desperately needed to fill his boots. 

The ultimate betrayal, Torres was pictured with the Chelsea shirt saying "he's always wanted to play for a big club" 

Torres says he left because we weren't spending any money. although he submitted his request after we agreed terms for Suarez. 

Torres had the makings of an Anfield legend, looked up to by children and adults alike. A hero. He could've been remembered throughout the annals of history alongside Dalglish and Rush, but his conduct this week will see his future memory as just another player. 

I dread to think what will happen when we visit Stamford bridge next week but I hope that the betrayal of a hero and the devastation of the fans will spur the players to go out there and win... and then go on to beat Chelsea to a champions league place and become Champions league winners 2012...

Torres can go lament his mistake with former Liverpool player Michael Owen - he also left us to win stuff in Europe didn't he? 

Knowing my limit

I was marginally hopeful that the next few posts would document my rise from reluctant learner to snowboarding’s biggest fan. Starting with the first sight of the slopes, strapping on the board for the first time, even the first fall…right through to day 3 when I’ve been assured it’ll all start sinking in and moving in the direction of “fun”.

So to start the story we had the longest journey here imaginable. We’re in France – from England you might say that’s not all that far…but I’ve visited my friends in America in a shorter time than it took to get to Val Thorens!

We started with a 3:30am pick up from home. Now my boyfriend hadn’t slept, although I got about 4 hours, so he really did have the worlds longest day…Jack Bauer has nothing on him. We arrived at the airport which took a fair while to check in – 2 different baggage drops because skis and snowboards can’t cope with the corner on the conveyor belt and have to be checked in elsewhere.

After a quick bite to eat we boarded the plane, which was delayed by half an hour and then finally after 2 hours we arrived in Geneva. It took nearly 2 hours for our bags to come through…in fact mine came through with the first bags from the next flight on the carousel so I was reaching a particularly high stress level fearing my bag had been lost.

Then of course we had missed our coach to the resort so we had to be reallocated to another bus which didn’t leave for another hour. Then a speedy 3 hour bus ride across to France and finally, FINALLY we arrive in Val Thorens. At that point door to door we’d been travelling for 13 hours.

13 hours! There’s a channel separating us from France not an ocean!

So tired and grumpy we weave our way between lots of Europeans who don’t waste their energy on politeness or making way for the red faced weary travellers laden down with bags and boards and stuff and we finally get into our room. The worlds smallest room…I had a studio flat in London bigger than this room…but we’ve got to somehow fit 4 of us in it! After the coin toss which allocated us to the sofa bed in the living area we battled our way around the spar to buy teabags and milk. My boyfriend created a kettle by boiling a pan of water and pouring it into a jug to pour into tea cups. No kettle…why would there be? All the cool kids drink percolated coffee…yeah there’s one of them – completely wasted on 4 tea drinkers!

Finally the 5th member of our party arrived and we went out for some dinner…but everywhere had stopped serving food so we ended up with a kebab from the nearby takeaway…some generic meat kebab that was actually mostly onion…bleurgh!

So day 1 proper – Sunday arrives. We get up bright and early eager to get out, hire some boards and get us going, somewhere on the kiddy slope. We start walking down the slope to the flat bit – which is already intimidating me a bit…bit steep that even for walking…when suddenly Chris, the most experienced member in our party stops us and tells us to strap our boards on – what here? Are you crazy – what about waiting til we get to the flat bit? Ok when I said this part was steep I may have been slightly over exaggerating it – although it felt steep enough to me that I wanted to just sit down and slide down it. So we strap boards on. Our lovely patient boyfriends help us upright and we stand legs straight, back of the board digging into the snow and we move forward and stop and sit down a few times in the manner of a toddler learning to walk. There I am sliding forwards as my boyfriend in front of me slides backwards – just short of clapping his hands encouragingly saying “come on, that’s right, you can do it, come on come to me, well done!” while I go “woah woah woah” and sit back on my arse with a bump. So we do this a few times until finally I lose my balance, fall and in an instant I forgot about sitting and just threw my arms beneath me and landed on my wrist.

What I’ve learned since then is that Snowboarding and I go together like Mr Bean and carelessly discarded banana skins. So it’s only natural that within 20 minutes of strapping on a snowboard I’d sprained my wrist. Well I could’ve predicted that! My only regret is not putting a bet on it.

So after holding my wrist for a bit, lying back on the floor in the manner of an over acting “injured” footballer and barking “just give me a minute will you” at my boyfriend who’s tying to encourage me try again I eventually admit defeat. But because I can’t put any weight on my right wrist I can’t even unstrap the board. Eventually we walk down to the flat bit and I optimistically test whether I can put any weight on my wrist but I can’t. I sit in the snow with the board across my knees and cry. Yes I cried. Disappointment, pain and a feeling of letting down my boyfriend who loves snowboarding so much that I wanted to try it for him.

So we head back to the hotel – walking up the driest path to the hotel carrying a board in my left arm which feels like it’s getting heavier and heavier with each step. I’m feeling so miserable at this point that I forget about the icy patch at the bottom of the steps to our hotel and I again fall over flat on my back with my board landing on top of me. “I f*@king hate this holiday” I mutter practically throwing my board at my boyfriend and trying to get up without the use of my right hand. And I freely cry all the way back to the room.

My boyfriend helps me out of my snow gear sprays my wrist with deep heat, bandages it up and makes me a cup of tea. Then we take the board back to the hire shop so I don’t waste any more money and I settle on the sofa with the laptop and a pile of dvds.

But actually in hindsight maybe now I’m a little bit relieved because I’ve never been fully keen on the idea, close to petrified most of the time I thought about it and now I can just say “well I tried it, I hurt myself and I have no desire to try it again” And who would blame me?

Ok so my boyfriend currently has to fasten all my clothes for me and cut up my food so I can eat. Which makes me cry just a little bit every time, but that’s just the frustration of feeling completely useless. At least RSI was just a dull ache that made it difficult to work now I can’t use it at all.

But at the end of the day I’m on holiday. If this was a summer holiday I would spend all day sat by a pool reading a book. Lazing around sunbathing and just relaxing. So now I get to do the same thing. Lie on a sofa and read, watch movies on the laptop and more than likely hang out in the spa for a bit of pampering.

So maybe it’s not all bad. My partner in learning has picked it up really quickly and the boys learned 10 years ago when they were younger and more keen. I know my limit and I should’ve probably been a bit more honest about my general reluctance to even try it…but at least I did try it. And I can honestly say I have no desire to ever try it again.

Say goodbye to my legs

Today is a long day. I've been in work for about 12 hours today and it's still only 10:45am.

Last night we had our work's Christmas meal - it was postponed due to the bad weather in December which resulted in us having to shut the office 2 days early - I didn't actually go to the Christmas meal because I went on my mate's hen night instead (quite possibly the greatest hen night I've ever been on...we went for a meal at an all you can eat buffet and then went home - not an L plate in sight, no sleazy male strippers, no dancing on the tables and no long weekend to Benidorm!)

So despite being on a hen do, I'm the bright and breezy, wide awake, staff member today while everyone else is ailing. I've seen so many bacon butties pass through the doorway this morning, our office is beginning to look like a cafe.

So I'm probably not alone in feeling like today is being the longest day in the history of time.

For me though I just want to go home, finish my packing and go to bed...so I can go on holiday. At 5pm tonight I will officially be on holiday. At 3:30 tomorrow morning I will be officially going on holiday. and at approximately 4pm tomorrow afternoon I will probably be in a hospital bed with a broken leg.

I am going snowboarding. For the first time ever. And I'm roughly 45% excited and 65% terrified. But don't worry - I have a cool new hair do and snazzy snowboarding pants so I will look good - even if I do go down the mountain on my arse instead of a board.

I've got 2 theories about this trip and why I will no doubt fail to snowboard despite going with 2 competent boarders who's future holidays may well hinge on their girlfriends' enjoyment of this holiday and 1 practically professional snowboarder who has taught them everything they know...

1) I'm getting on a bit now. When I was young I was more fearless about taking risks and stuff...

can I jump over that wall? It's a bit high, ah well I'll try and see - no I couldn't...muuuuuuuuuuuuummm!!!

My partner in learner snowboarding has the happy advantage of being 10 years younger than me and I think she may pick it up much more easily...while I have far too much awareness of my body and what feels natural and what doesn't. My niece taught me some trampoline tricks a few years ago - she'd bounce so high in the air and do all manner of tricks while I could just about do a seat drop...because falling - regardless of the landing - in a seated position is completely unnatural and my body just wouldn't do it for a long time. But perseverance paid off and I suppose I should try and remember that before I throw a snowbaord at my boyfriend and strop off towards the nearest spa!

But it's unnatural isn't it? To have feet strapped onto a board in a position you would never ever stand in and to slide down a snow covered mountain with nothing to hold on to...no stabilisers...no one holding the seat to keep you steady. Nothing.

Terrifying!

If we come home from the holiday with catchphrases I predict mine will be "Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

2) The second reason I think I will fail at snowboarding - and this is probably more significant than the first one, is that I'm simply not cool enough to go snowboarding.
Snowboarding looks cool man! If you're on the piste in Val Thorens next week look out for me - I'll be the one reading the beginners guide to snowboarding. There's a chance that as this handy book - which my boyfriend kindly bought me for Christmas - focusses on the science of snowboarding I may have a slim chance of getting it. But realistically I fully expect to fall flat on my face once and then slope off to the nearest bar, lick my wounds and trade in my ski pass for a sauna.

Good people of Val Thorens...Don't be surprised if you see an angry looking scouser on the French Alps brandishing a book at people shouting

back off man - I'm a scientist!

Awkward

Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you know? Maybe your boss or a particularly unattractive work mate, maybe your best friend or the unthinkable - your brother?

No? No, me neither!

Obviously sex dreams are never about Brad Pitt or Doctor who or Abi Titmus or whoever. They're always about someone completely unexpected, perhaps even downright inappropriate and leave you feeling a little on the dirty side once you wake up...and then horror of horrors you see the same object of your subconsious desire later that morning either at work or by chance on the train or some such place where you have no choice but to speak with them, despite feeling awkward and embarassed unable to regard him in quite the same way having recently witnessed him diving off your wardrobe twirling his underpants above his head shouting "Geronimo"...or whatever...

Well I'm sort of experiencing a similar experience this morning towards our cat Dexter. Dexter is about to turn 2 and he's starting to get a bit friendlier than he used to be, although he's still mostly independent and doesn't want to sit on any knees, he is starting to sleep near us. And he's become more playful. So in an unusual display of friendliness I was play fighting with Dexter when he decided he liked me enough to lean against me and have a bath - specifically bathing his bum, Yeah my cat decided he was going to lick his arse right in my face. Which in hindsight I realise was wierd enough (although not as uncomfortable as the time Tilly Moggins climbed on my shoulder, draped her tail across my head and farted in my face) but then after a while - his attention to detail in the area of bottom hygiene is really quite remarkable - I notice what looked like a lump or a spot poking through his fur. My immediate reaction was alarm, but as I was trying to get a better look at it I was horrified to realise something that I hadn't realised before that point...

My cat has got a willy!

"Well of course he has" I hear you say and indeed that is exactly the sentence my boyfriend used when I recounted the story a little while later in the manner of someone confessing to doing something I shouldn't... although sort of unsure whether I've been the victim of some kind of sexual harassment or if I've become some kind of wierd peeping tom type sex offender. (Especially worrying given how long I spent trying to look at it when I innocently believed it was a potential medical emergency)

But it shocked me.

Although what should shock me is the fact that it shocked me at all.

I'm not sure why it surprised me so much although I should perhaps mention that I've always somehow regarded all cats as being female...feline/female, the words are so similar. Cats are often regarded as being similar to women,while dogs are referred to as man's best friend.


Anyway - I've been feeling strangely awkward around my cat Dexter today. Although that might be because he keeps winking at me...If he lights up a cigarette I'm locking my bedroom door at night!!